Day 10 – The Cat Talks Back

Hi Izzy. I remember when my Mom, Judy, first wandered into a shelter and unlocked my prison. Everyone had been told that I would bite and scratch so I stayed in that cage a very long time. When Mom put me on her lap, I knew I had a new home. It was true that I got a bit too excited sometimes and drew a little blood but, in a few weeks of good food and a warm safe bed, I put my claws away and started licking the hand that feeds me (by the way,you can get good results with this). I wanted to send you my photo but I don’t know how to do that; computers are hard!!! I will admit that I am of a different species, four legs, beautiful fur coat, big brown eyes, long tail, pointy ears, a gold necklace and a dazzling smile. Forget those rumors about cats thinking they are GOD, we like to be Queen of all we survey and to be able to get our Moms to do whatever we want them to. That is quite enough.

 

Dear Kittycat,

Well it felt weird to hear from a CAT at first (*^&^WUFF&!!!) but I guess we are all the same under the fur. So welcome.

I know what you mean about the licking thing. I have being doing some heavy duty licking myself. Not only do they taste good, but I find it to be therapeutic, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed by too much love and cuddles. A good bout of vigorous licking makes me feel more in charge – like THEY are the puppies – know what I mean?

Guess what? I went all around the park with Claire and Bella – OFF LEASH! Claire was anxious about something so I stayed close and made sure to run up when she called (frankly, sometimes I don’t know how they’ve muddled along without me).

Here’s another interesting thing. At the end of the walk my feet suddenly took off and ran in circles, and since I am attached to them, I had to run in these ridiculous circles too. Can this be an instance of what Bella refers to as ‘playing’? And if playing is this kind of pointless behaviour, well why do it?

If any of you have any input here (and that includes our new kitty friends), I’m all ears (and no Papillon jokes here please, we’ve heard them).

Thanks again for writing little kit. What’s your name? And is that collar really gold?

Wow!

Cheers,

 

Izzy

Day Nine

It’s okay. I am over it the entertaining thing and the eyes with mouths, and in a weird way, I feel better for it. We all learned something, and you know, it’s hard being on your best behaviour all the time. I think we all needed to shake for an hour and get wigged out. As you know, we dogs are pretty sensitive to vibes, and I could tell the moms were waiting for me to go off, like I was a canine time bomb. They’ve relaxed since my melt down too.

Now we can kind of settle down to get to know each other a little. Life is good, but hard too in a weird new kind of way. I watch Bella and I wonder how she does it. She seems able to goof around 24 x 7. They have all these games they play with her. But me. I’m Miss Suspicious. Always watching for the other hand. I’m jumpy.

Part of me knows they’re not going to hit me, but if they did, it would be so bad. Part of me wants to do my morning dance all day.

This morning Joy kind of scooted her fingers around on the couch and I felt like a puppy – I just wanted to chase them and bite them. And I did – a bit. But it made me feel really worried – was I biting them too hard? And I did want to bite them hard and I don’t know why. It scares me.

What would happen if I let go?

 

Day 7 (and okay, okay, maybe 8 too)

Sorry. Things have been happening. For one thing, the moms have been tapping away at their computers and I have not been able to get online. It’s a dog’s life.

For another, they have been (groan) ENTERTAINING…

I hate entertaining and I don’t want to be entertaining, or entertained. I made this quite clear by sitting grumpily on the couch when  stupids came for dinner at our house and I glared at the stupids when they came to look at me (like I might be on the menu – dogs HATE being stared at).

 

I do not like being looked at by stupids with their googly eyes and maudlin sentiments (such as “awwww!”).

Why can it not be just the two moms and Bella and me? I see no need for these intrusions. These NOISY intrusions. There is loud laughing and too many feet. There is ignoring me. There is loud clattering in the kitchen. There is “Oops, watch out Izzy”.

And I wanted to go in my crate and IT WASN’T THERE!!!

It got left in the bedroom and the door was shut and no-one noticed I was VERY SCARED (not that I couldn’t have bitten their noses maybe, but there was many of them).

They only finally noticed when everyone was gone, and then Joy put me in her lap and I shook. For a whole hour.

They said they were very sorry, but how do I know it won’t happen again, or maybe worse?

There could be kicking or smacking with the newspaper.

You never know….

Day Six

Sorry about yesterday. I just don’t know where the time goes. I just had a lot going on. Maybe if I tell you about my busy day, you’ll forgive me.

We are always up at first light it would seem. First, I hear Bella and Joy prancing about and cleaning their teeth (not sure who’s doing which because of the towel over my crate). Then after that I get let out. Bella usually tries to mug me, but I have perfected a special dance, that not only avoids Bella, but indicates (and I think in a graceful and dignified manner) that I am happy to see everyone. There’s little point being cavalier, and the dance does not involve wiggling or bending. Joy is an appreciative audience.

Then it’s off to the park behind the apartment building where we live. This is a shortish walk, just to take care of business as they say, and Joy and Bella and I are all in a hurry to get back because we know Claire will have fixed breakfast.

This morning it was STEAK. I kid you not. RIB EYE! I have heard about it, but never sampled it before, and let me tell ya, it sure beats Purina!

Bella and I take a postprandial snooze on the couch while the humans futz about  (goodness knows they like doing that), then Claire takes us out for the Ball Walk, which is the high point of Bella’s day. It is quite amusing to see her turn herself inside out for that thing – to the point of squealing! And here’s the thing – I’ve been thinking since I came that they were torturing her somehow – that she HAD to race after that ball as a punishment!

After the ball walk, it’s nap time again, till lunch, which Joy fixed – small, but elegant – just two square inches of salmon skin – but beautifully cooked and presented (Bella and I have matching green bowls). Then there was ad hoc activity (such as barking at the bull terriers in the park until made to stop), but nothing substantial until the Big Walk around 3pm.

The Big Walk varies. Today the four of us went to the UBC fields. Bella got in trouble for eating goose poop, but I was a good girl (apparently). We went into a tennis court and they let me Off, and you know, it’s funny. When I am On the leash I think that all I want is to be Off, but when I’m Off, it feels strangely scary. I run away from them, then I zoom back. As I run away, I feel exhilarated for a while, but then I need to turn around. It is an existentialist dilemma.

Anyway, instead of going straight back home yesterday after the walk, we went SHOPPING (to which I have never before been). I LIKE it (apart from the jingly door bell and the weird guy).

They bought me clothes.

These clothes are my very own and not to be worn by other dogs. My clothes are a very warm and snuggly Elvis jacket.

Look…

As you can see it has a big shiny lightning bolt on it, which is a magical protective  device my mums instructed the weird guy to sew into my coat to ward off evil spirits, ill-behaved canines, and nasty stupids.

How thoughtful.

My clothes are very warm too. I have stopped shivering.

Well.

After the SHOPPING, there was home, and dinner and couch, and goodness me, one would think that was enough but no…

There was a FULL BODY MASSAGE!!!

You know I have ISSUES and many of them are about being touched. Here is a list of my issues:

1. Do not like being held by collar
2. Do not like being approached
3. Do not like being touched anywhere but especially on neck, top of head, paws, or tail
4. Do not like having mouth looked inside
5. Do not like hands touching me where I cannot see them
6. Do not like any sudden movements
7. DO NOT LIKE BEING PICKED UP!!!!

Well, there it was. One minute I was dozing next to Claire and the next minute, she had scooped me up, turned me upside down, and set me on her knee before I could say DON’T MESS WITH IZZY!!!

I froze.

Then there was tickling.

And then there was the FULL BODY MASSAGE.

It is a little embarrassing to talk about…the acupawpressure, and the ear rubbing, the shitzu massage of the legs, the muzzle therapy.

I stopped worrying and just shut my eyes and enjoyed it.

You should try it sometime.

Look. Here I am in the spa (and no my mouth is NOT open).

Well.

That was my day.

Must go. They are calling me for bed time.

Day Five

I have been rather bizzy today. You will need to check out tomorrow’s blog for very exciting news that has kept me tied up (not).

Meanwhile, in view of the mail I am receiving from other pooches, I am conducting a little online survey on food – a subject close to my heart.

So here goes? On a wuff rating of one to five, let’s have your votes for

1) kibble

2) canned dog food

3) raw meat

4) veggies (carrots etc.)

5) other (please specify)

I will publish the results here for your consumption (sic)

Cheers,

Izzy

Day Four

 

I have a new strategy. Take a look.

Yeah, that’s me at the back behind the ‘real’ daughter, Princess Bella. As you can see, I am pretending to cuddle one of the stupids, and as you will also notice, I’m sure, she is gazing at me adoringly.

HAHA!

Here’s what I figure. The chow is great. There’s great walks. You KNOW what I think about the couch. Bella is pretty laid back – not big into sniffing and bouncing. I know she WANTS to frolic, but I think she gets it that I’m not really the frolicking type, if you know what I mean.

I figure, why not work the system – you know? Every day there are more concessions – today I got off-leash (inside a fenced-off field for sure, but hey…), and they’ve started letting me run down the corridor with Bella to their apartment. Bella has clued me in on the sinking-box-thing. Apparently, it’s nothing to worry about. And the sweet thing is, I get all this for nothing! There seems to be no work (at the first place, we were all expected to produce puppies…more of that later…I can’t talk about it now….).

So what if I let them rub my tummy?

So what if I let them hold my paw?

So what if they pick me up?

So YES alright! They DID! And you know what? I LIKED it!

I LIKED IT OKAY?

Anyone who says I’m losing my edge is gonna lose half her nose.

I’M STILL CALLING THE SHOTS!

Day Three

Hey. Thanks for all the good vibes and intelligent advice. I was particularly pleased to hear from a furry (Hi Nelly!), since all the humans seem to do is tell me to wait it out and I will get to like it here. Yeah right. And Nelly, sure, I’d love to come and gallop around with you at the park you mention, but DUH! STUCK IN THIS PLACE!!! They are watching the door like eagles. Any chance any of you bigger dogs can drive? Maybe come and spring me out of here? I promise not to bite you (unless I really can’t help it).

Meanwhile, maybe you smaller pooches can help me out with some advice here about my tail, of which I seem to have lost control (Sonia was a stickler for grammar [indeed for everything<and yet she was sooo kind and gentle {Sonia….aaaahhhhh}>]).

As you know, we Papillons have very expressive tails, and mine is expressing all by itself.

Yes. I have lost control of my wag.

It happened for the first time when the stupids let me out of solitary in the morning. There was something about the sunlight on the floor, and Bella jumping on my head because she was happy I was free again, and even the stupids stumbling about making their silly noises (sounds  like &(^(^)&^IZZY _)(*$#IZZY). Suddenly, it wagged, and I SWEAR I didn’t tell it to. Then the ball and chain came off, and there was a really good long walk where I met an inmate from another facility (by the name of Alice. pretty cute but a little ditzy till I put her in her place {as only the Izster can Haha!}).

Then the stupids went out (who knows why probably looking for more dogs to kidnap) and they left me out of solitary. Apparently I am getting to some kind of trusty status. Well. I considered my options for a while (chew the couch? pee on the floor? eat that goddamn plant they fuss around? check out the coffee table?) but while pondering these equally attractive options, I guess I must have snoozed off.

I DO like their couch. Here is another picture of me on it, sans ball and chain.

Anyhow, that’s when it happened again. When I heard their keys in the door (and I really MUST talk to them about tossing them around {they are pointy and loud and dangerous}), Bella headed off to prance and wag and I guess I was sleepy still, because suddenly there I was. Prancing. Yes.

And wagging.

So please help. Any suggestions welcome. Duct tape? Tailotomy? This latter seems rather too radical. Maybe a partial?

Day Two

I have decided to do my time here and wait till Sonia comes to get me. She will straighten all this out I’m sure.

Meanwhile, I guess things could be worse. In fact, in some ways, they’ve taken a turn for the better. For one thing after a few secretive attempts (I refuse to look silly when they are watching), I discovered that I CAN actually make it up onto the couch, and it’s actually the perfect place for a snooze. I am passing some time there quite comfortably.

The walks continue to be quite pleasant, and when on the leash I experience a temporary illusion that these two idiots I’m stuck with know what they’re doing. Perhaps I am becoming institutionalized – I read somewhere about falling in love with your jailers – so I must stay vigilant on that score.

It won’t be too hard, because I still endure plenty of torture. They have attached a “ball and chain” to my collar which I wear at all times unless outside. It means that they can grab me whenever they want – I guess they got a wee bit nervous after the biting episode on day one (ha ha…don’t mess with the Izzster!). They are also stupid. Who who toss a bunch of keys right down next to someone small like me? They still haven’t realized just how scared I am of doors. Speaking of which – the worst thing they do is take us all into this stupid  goddamn box every time we go in or outside. It’s nauseating. We all have to step into it (sometimes with STRANGERS!!!) and then these massive doors close BY THEMSELVES!!! Then there is a horrible kind of sinking feeling, then those big shiny doors suck open. I have tried and tried to convince them of the stupidity of this performance. JUST GO OUTSIDE ALREADY!! I say in my head and try to pull them that way. But NO!! They just keep on doing the same thing. Creatures of habit I guess.

There was an interesting outing. Off in the car (of course I am in solitary in my crate with the other dog on the outside – no justice in the slammer), then into a building with lots of other dogs. One of them was about to get me and he was HUGE, let me tell you. He was pretending to do the whole “Oh I just want to play” thing, but all the time he was eying me up like a bar snack. Well I showed him alright. If one of the stupids hadn’t had me on a pretty tight leash, he’d be sniffing with half a nose right now. Haha! Shoulda seen him back off!!!

I felt strangely calm but also rather tired after that. We went into a big room and there were two other dogs, and they and Bella got to play. It was a weird playing – going up and down ramps and through tunnels and jumping over things, but boy – those other stupid mutts ate it up. They couldn’t wait to get out there. I could have done that too, probably better even, but me and one of the stupids decided to sit it out. For once, it was almost pleasant to have one of them close – at one point she was scritching at my ears – not like the vet does – more of a gentle friendly scritching.

We’ll see. Maybe if I wait this out, they’ll take off the ball and chain

Day One in Alcatraz

There has been a huge mistake.

Sonia put me in the WRONG CAR after our walk with all the other Little Paws rescue dogs and I have ended up imprisoned by homicidal maniacs, who bare their teeth at me constantly  and watch me like hawks, waiting to pounce. There is another dog here. She seems totally unaware of the danger we are in (perhaps drugged or brainwashed?). The only thing from Sonia’s house was my crate and that provides no relief from the constant psychological and physical torture. After dinner (which I did eat in a hurry [they are wily enough to feed us lovely raw meat, these  creatures <and I was sooo hungry>]), one of them came with the leash, and well I WANTED to, because that was what Sonia did before a walk and I really needed to pee, but I JUST COULDN’T let them come that close to me and when one of them made a grab for my collar THAT WAS IT. I headed into the crate, but of course was unable to close the door behind me.

So then there was a big unpleasantness. I lost it. She should have BACKED OFF when I showed all my teeth. And those gardening gloves were scary. So I did bite her and I thought I would die, but clearly I am still here. It is all a bit blurry. I remember lots of scrabbling and snapping and I heard some very bad words, words that Sonia only said that one time early on (let’s not go into it). Blackness descended for a while, but then, there was a walk.

It was dark so I couldn’t watch out for monsters too well which was worrying but at least I got to PEE. After all that, frankly, I was exhausted. When we got back to the prison, I noticed a rather comfy bed in front of the fire, and climbed into it and shut my eyes. Just for a second….